


Raspberry Beret

by salvabon



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Misgendering, bisexual!Nancy, lesbian!Steve, trans!Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 20:16:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20315395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salvabon/pseuds/salvabon
Summary: Steve is slowly coming in terms with the fact that the carefully curated King Steve image is just a facade and what started as crossdressing Nancy's clothing as a prank is actually her true self.





	Raspberry Beret

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the rights to Stranger Things or the characters. 
> 
> I am not trans myself but gender-questioning and wrote this in my best knowledge and with good intentions, while trying to stay era appropriate. Please tell me if you found it offensive. 
> 
> The title is based on the Prince song from 1985, yes I know that doesn't fit the timeline, let me be.

Steve Harrington was one of those people who had always known that there was something different about _him_. Something that made _him_ force _himself_ to put such pressureon these pronouns, even if it ached inside, even if it felt wrong.

After all, _he_ was a _boy_, a handsome popular _boy_, just like _his_ parents expected of _him_. 

He was standing in front of Nancy's mirror inspecting his signature hairstyle. He knew it would soon become too long to be socially acceptable for a boy. Why then was there an urge inside to let it grow even longer? 

Nancy was taking forever speaking to her brother downstairs, something about the noise level during their Dungeons and Dragons sessions, and Steve was getting increasingly bored.

Wouldn't it be funny if she came back up and Steve would wear one of her hairclips? Yeah, that would get a good laugh out of her.

Steve reminded himself that there was nothing wrong in doing this for the joke of it. That was what it was of course, just a joke for his girlfriend. Because it would be hilarious for him to wear something _feminine_, when, in reality, he was a boy, right?

Steve put in the first two hairclips he could find, a star and a butterfly, and waited. The way he had parted his hair looked hilariously feminine, Steve noted. _He_ pushed the thought aside that _he_ looked nice like this, that this felt good. 

"Sorry it took so long," Nancy apologised when entereing her room, vaguely pointing outside and rolling her eyes.

"Very funny, Steve."

"What? I got bored."

Bored. Intrigued. Confused. Angry.

Just shoving those thoughts back down. Just ignoring them. Everything was fine. He was King Steve with his super cool girlfriend and no issues whatsoever. 

"Just beware, if you take that long to tell the little dickheads to shut up next time, I'll plunder your makeup." 

Nancy theatrically rolled her eyes again, bumped her fist into Steve's shoulder and smiled. 

Steve kept his promise. He doesn't recall opening that can of worms but just a week later Nancy had gone out to "quickly go to the store" to get....

He had already forgotten what, and that lipstick on her desk had looked so interesting he had to inspect it. Nothing wrong to just look at it, right?

He had never really seen one of those that close and they were shiny and pretty and suddenly Steve was starring at a reflection that was him but somehow more real than usual. 

The lipstick was a little uneven, but he had never used something like that before, he was a _guy, guys_ don't do that, and- 

Steve starred intently and something shifted in the mirror image, not supernaturally, like you'd almost expect to happen in Hawkins nowadays, but mentally.

She. 

Just allow yourself, Steve thought, to _pretend_ to be a girl for a few minutes. It looks good on you. If someone comes in, then it's just a prank on Nancy. 

She put the same hairclips back in again and unscrewed Nancy's mascara.

As she looked back into the mirror something rushed over her, something that was both fear and euphoria. Euphoria of how right she felt for once and fear of where this feeling came from, what this meant about Steve. 

When the fear got the best of her, Steve quickly wiped off the makeup and restyled her hair and suddenly _she_ was _he_ again in the mirror, King Steve, forcing all those feelings back down again. 

This time they didn't stay down, not for a minute. From now on Steve looked differently at the girls in his grade, finally identifying that all those years he hadn't just felt lust but jealousy when looking at them. 

He wanted to be like them, not be with them. Most of them at least. Nancy was special. 

And more often a few words bubbled up inside of him, words like _girl_ and _woman_ and _she_ and _her_.

Then, Steves inner monologue became _she_. If she wanted or not, and she wasn't so sure about this, Steve was not what she had thought she was. Or what she pretended she thought she was.

All these feelings and words she had suppressed out of fear and shame and a few more emotions in a cocktail of parental expectations and self-hate. 

Unfortunately, these fears had not vanished. While Steve allowed herslef to internally allow this shift, she was all too aware of the social pressure around her, around the fact that if she didn't have a word of what was going on with her, other people wouldn't have either. Steve heard about crossdressing and just recently she had read about a fellow who had been roughed up pretty badly for it a few towns away, but she knew that it wasn't even just that. She didn't just want to dress like a girl. She was one.

She wondered if there was a word for that. 

Two things were sure though. 

  1. No one could know. Especially his parents and Nancy. 

  2. While either of them were away, she could try to figure out this situation. 

Under the pretence of studying, Steve had spent even more time with Nancy, glimpsing moments of her reapplying her makeup, trying to figure out how she does it without being too obvious.

Steve wasn't so sure if that was fair to use her like that but she didn't know what else to do and it wasn't like she didn't like spending time with Nancy. Nancy was amazing and Steve almost wanted to call it love except for the looming threat of her finding out Steves secret.

She couldn't allow herself to love Nancy. Not yet, maybe not ever. 

Every once in a while both of her parents were away and as long as she didn't tell anyone else she had the house all for herself. Her feet were too big for her mothers shoes but if she squeezed she could at least see how they would look on her. Steve didn't dare venture into her mums clothes (ew).

Whenever Nancy would leave the room for a little longer, to go to the store, or to drive Will home, Steve would stand in front of her mirror and tried to see how earrings looked on her, or a dress, or that cute blouse Nancy had worn yesterday or....

Steve heard the doorhandle move and click into the right place as it opened. Because of course she had forgotten to lock the door this time and Nancy opened with a bag of chips and a chocolae bar and a gaping mouth as in front of her was Steve Harrington in lipstick and a dress, the shock of her life in her face. 

"Don't I look just wonderful, darling," she said in a mock high voice. Just trying to save the situation, just play it as a joke, it's just a joke, all of this was just for laughs. 

Nancy closed and locked the door quickly and sat down, motioning Steve to sit down too. She did, wiping off the fuchsia off her lips, trying to unzip her dress and failing. Without a word Nancy helped.

"I'm sorry, Nance, it was a joke, okay? Just thought it would be funny, you know, guy in a dress?" 

Nancy couldn't possibly hear the panic in her voice, could she? Steve loved to mess around, prank people, she knew that, right? This would be believable, right?

"This isn't true, am I right?" Nancy said in a calm voice, taking Steve's hand. There was no anger, she noted, no malice, just concern and hurt.

Steve wanted to do nothing but jump out of the window and run away. But she was still stuck in that stupid dress. Stupid steve, ruined everything with her stupid fantasy. Of course she could never be a woman, what was she thinking? What was _he_ thinking? 

"It isn't true," is all that Steve confessed, not being sure anymore what pronoun to use. The truth or the beautiful, easy, painful lie. 

"I just want you to know that I am not mad," Nancy said after a second of consideraton. 

"I am a little suprised, " She continued. "And maybe confused. But I am not mad. It's not like you can decide to be gay or _whatever_ you are. It's just a lot for me right now to process and-" Nancy's mouth opened and closed a few times, before she gave up and shrugged.

Both were starting to cry softly. 

"I'm not gay," Steve mumbled.

Fuck it, Steve thought, it's _she_. Nancy already found out, the least I can do is to be honest to her and myself. 

"And I think I am actually pretty much in love with you, Nancy Wheeler," she said, traces of fuschia on her lips, half a dress on and mascara slowly running down her cheeks. 

"If you aren't gay, then-"

"I am.... like you?" She tried. 

"I am... a girl. At least I think that that's true inside. Even when I was always King Steve on the outside, inside I had to force myself to call myself a he. I realised this only recently. Or allowed myself to realise it. I guess I've always known. That's why I was so angry all the time and so overcompensatingly manly and.., yeah.."

Was there really anything else to say?

When Nancy didn't answer for a while she added: "I know this doesn't make any sense for you. I guess it's worse than beeing a queer, at least that has a name." 

"I think the word you are searching for is Transgender, I read it in a magazine recently," Nancy finally said after that painful silence. 

"Transwhat?"

"Transgender. That's someone who was born in the wrong body, gender-wise. At least I think that's the right word. It either means that or it's some kind of new bird species." 

Steve chuckled at that. 

"Being gay is okay too, just so that you know. I'm pretty sure one of Mike's friends is gay." 

"Well I must be that too," Steve said, eyes widening with realisation. Twice in that very short time.

Nancy raised an eyebrow. 

"Well if I'm a girl and you're a girl and I'm in love with you... that sounds very gay to me." 

"Well and the same goes for me, I guess. because I don't care, _Queen_ Steve, I love you too."

"Maybe you're simply bothsexual."

"I think the word is _bi_sexual." 

They both just held hands, letting the news sink in. 

"Do you want me to style you up?" 

"Would you do that?"

Nancy nodded and helped Steve out of the borrowed dress, putting it back and getting a different one out of the closet. 

"You'll have to lose the t-shirt and jeans, girl," She pointed at what she had left on beneath, to be able to change back as quickly as possible. 

With Nancy's help and a little bit of time, Steve finally saw herself in the mirror like she wanted to look: a little girly, a little fierce, like someone who was pretty but could still bash in a monster with a baseball bat. And she had absolutely done that before. 

Nancy had shown her how to put on stockings without ripping them, how to apply makeup, how to stuff out a bra with tissues ("all the girls do it, trust me.") 

The end-result was just marvelous. Steve cried, for the second time this evening. 

"Thank you, Nance." 

"I never thought I would dress up my _girlfriend_ but I also never thought we would _fight monsters_ together." 

"Can this stay between you and me for now? I'm really not ready yet to tell anyone else." 

Nancy nodded and they pinky sweared on their little temporary secret, both sure they would eventually come out with it. When Steve was ready. 

From then on they would go shopping together in thrift shops, under the guise of it being for Nancy, and in the privacy of her room Nancy would let Steve try it on and wear it for the time being, and then hide it in her closet. She would teach her how to do her own makeup and they would look at names together that Steve might feel like adopting when she was ready (although she felt most comfortable staying with Steve). 

Nancy's room had become some kind of save haven for the both of them, and not just the two when one day Will and Eleven accidentally stumbled into their room. 

Will apologised, mumbling something about borrowing a ring and blushing immediately.

Eleven just smiled at Steve: "Pretty." 

"Thank you." 

"Secret?"

"Yeah, Secret." 

Will, still blushing but in no way appalled, pointed at the mascara. 

"What's that?" 

Nancy smiled. "Do you want to try it out?"

He nodded and a minute later, all four were wearing a very fierce smoky-eye look. 

"Pretty," Eleven said again. 

"I won't tell anyone if you won't tell anyone, " Will said, still feeling guilty about having entered without knocking. 

"Don't worry, after everything that happened we won't let this become a problem." 

Steve gently patted the kids head. 

"Are you a girl now?" Eleven asked with pure curiousity. Steve liked Eleven. It been a little difficult getting used to having a dangerous military weapon running through the house but she was sweet and curious and simply spoke her mind (and controlled things with it too). 

"Yeah." 

"You're a pretty girl. I don't know what I am. I am simply me."

"That's all we can be," Steve simply said and handed over a lipstick (her first own lipstick) to Eleven. "If you want to try." 

Steve wasn't sure if Will and Eleven were transgender or gay or anything of the sort, but she damn sure would fight for their rights to simply be themselves, she decided right there and then. 

Steve didn't remember how much time had passed since secretely dressing up in Nancy's room.

How good it felt to be herself, walking with her girlfriend arm in arm through Hawkins. Steve was wearing a raspberry-coloured beret, and people had stopped staring.

She had even scored a job at where she worked shifts with a lesbian named Robin who had been way nicer to her now that she knew the truth.

Her parents hadn't thrown her out, miracuously. She wasn't sure if it was because they were not as bad people as she thought they were or because she had been surrounded by Nancy, Mike, Will, Joyce, Jonathan, who had been told the truth only an hour earlier and had taken it with a confused shrug and thumbs up, Dustin, Lucas and Eleven, who had sworn she would be able to handle 'bad people' for her. 

Of course there was an occasional rude comment and she had lost some old friends. Her parents were a little awkward about it and didn't want to say the _bad T word_. but she had also gained new friends like Robin, and nothing could ever be as cruel as the years where she had lived a lie. 


End file.
